My heart is hurting and my eyes are filled with tears as I hear this devastating news.
Jen always struggled to fit in and be included. She had a troubled life like most of us, but nevertheless Jen tried like hell to see the good and to overcome some of the crap she had been dealt. She was fully aware that she had demons. I loved her outgoing courageous attitude and her ability to laugh during difficult situations. And her kind heart.
We were friends from such a young age. Jen came to my 5th birthday party! Our birthdays were the same month. The last birthday wish I got from Jen said, "Happy birthday sweetie….I still remember being 5 at your partys….Loved them cause it was so close to mine! Love ya a ton!"
When I transferred elementary schools in 6th grade, Jen was so excited to see me again. I went from feeling scared to comforted. During the school year I got invited to a party a couple houses away from Jen's, she wasn't invited and I was heart broken. That night everyone wanted to toilet paper Jen's house. I could feel in my heart that it was wrong but I went along with the party. As the toilet papering ensued the lights came on. We had been caught! Jen's parents made her clean up the mess and bring it to the house were the party was. I could see the shame and hurt in her eyes. But Jen forgave me and everyone else that participated in the toilet papering. I don't think I ever apologized for that night. I am so very sorry.
Our friend Nick passed away, some friends and I picked Jen up for Nick's funeral. We rode in a hydraulic car, listening to Bone while the bass pounded throughout our entire body. We sat at the back of the funeral home. Jen's leg fell asleep, she stood up and tried walking it out but she looked like a cripple doing it, she was reaching for me to help her and we both burst out into laughter. Everyone in the funeral home turned and stared at us. Nobody could understand our laughter at such a devastating time. Jen always had a way of bringing laughter to a delicate situation.
When we worked together at the Mayan Jen had shoulder issues, she would purposely run into the wall to put it back into place.
When I had made the decision to file for a divorce from my husband Jen tried like hell to boost my spirits. We went to all the parties after work. I remember her mad skills of driving on the freeway and changing out of our work clothes into our dance clothes. I had never seen anybody maintain a vehicle and change their pants while driving.
Jen and I loved dancing but we hated the bumping and grinding. We made up a lie that we were lovers so that nobody would dance with us and if they tried we acted like the crazy jealous girlfriend. Haha! Our dancing escapades ended when I decided to make my marriage work.
A few years went by and we reconnected. Our kids became friends for a short amount of time. And then we lost touch again. I was facing a lot of challenges in my life. Jen was dealing with several struggles too. Sadly we lost touch for a very long time this time.
Last week you were on my mind Jen. I had an intense urge to contact you, but I didn't.
Your obituary has left me completely shocked. Your life did have meaning. You meant something to me and so did your friendship. I am sorry that I never got the chance to tell you. I know that you did the best you could with the circumstances you were dealt. You were a huge part of my life and I will forever miss you. Because of you I have learned a valuable lesson: To love people at their worst. You made a difference in my life on numerous occasions and I am sorry I couldn't offer that to you in return.
I love you Jennilyn thank you for your friendship and for sharing some of your life with me. Love always and forever, Jess
