My brother, my protector, my best friend, my confident, my rock, my support, my gentle giant, my Timothy! I can't explain to you how much my heart is completely broken. I'm so incredibly sad, more sad than I have ever known to be possible. In the beginning I had no interest in you or your shenanigans! But hanging out with you for one weekend 7 years ago changed my life forever. I wish I had known at that moment that I would lose you so quickly. Sometimes I wish I wouldn't have known you because then my heart wouldn't hurt so bad right now.
I know that your special spirit just couldn't continue to fight the negativity that exists here. For that I understand and accept your fate but I am so angry at you still! I don't know how to not be angry. Um angry because selfishly I thought you'd be around forever! To protect me,, to talk about ..... Well any topic we decided upon no matter how incredibly asinine it might be, to be silly with me, to laugh and joke, and we'll be grotesque about the truth JUST so you could laugh at me when it made me want to vomit, to be my big little brother, to give me those monstrous hugs that enveloped, encapsulated, soothed and healed me all at once. I don't understand your plan but I know you and you are a man of calculated movements so I KNOW there is already one in place long before you decided your own fate! It makes me physically ill to know that I can't just pick up the phone and call you. I see your contact on my phone and I don't know whether to keep or erase it.
I love you so much my big little brother! If missing you had a measure of severity mine would say infinite or error cuz how much I miss you couldn't begin to be measured in a way humanly possible to understand!
But as much as I hate this, I have to tell you thank you! Thank you for never giving up on me and being there with me through some of the most devastating times in my life! I love you so much and I already miss you and will definately never forget ho incredible you were. Thank you for always being you and not wavering when it came to those you cared about! I love you so much and I'll be seeing you! Love your baby sis! Dayna Sue
